Letting loose…

There’s something about being away from home that makes one different… bolder, more confident, brave.

I’ve been traveling for the past couple of weeks and for some reason, i am not the shy, timid person that i am back home.  Okay, so i am not really shy and timid… but i know for a fact that i have a lot of hang ups… i have self-image issues that i have to deal with before stepping out of the house.  And like i mentioned in a previous blog, you won’t catch me dead leaving the house without the hour long preparation.  Even my choice of clothes has to match — or make– my mood for the day.  I can’t just let loose…

I am such a mall rat. People working at the mall near my place know me already.  And for some reason, I feel i have to dress up in a certain way… Like i always have to appear decent. Sweet and decent.  Prim and proper.  Not that i want to dress up slutty, but like i said, i have body image issues.  I am always afraid that people might think i’m fat or that i dress weird.   

But being in another place where people are mostly strangers, well, i can be a new Me. A different Me.  Yes, i still go through that one hour routine (but given the rush, sometimes i just have to contend with haf an hour)… but i am bold enough to wear clothes that I won’t have the guts to wear  back home. For the most part of my recent trips, I was just in shorts.  I was going from one place to another, carefree, in a pair of shorts.  And i wasn’t shy about it. In fact, I was proud of my legs.  I know that i have nice legs but shyness got the better part of me that for the longest time, i’ve been hiding them in jeans. 

This whole self reinvention while abroad has gotten me thinking… What am i afraid of, really?  Why can i act a certain way in another place and then clam up when i’m back home.  Isn’t home supposed to be the place where you are who you really are?  Isn’t home supposed to be the place where you grow best as a person?  But if I am letting my hang ups rule over me, then doesn’t that mean that i am better off elsewhere?

Before this summer ends, maybe i should change some things about me. Shed some layers.  Bare some skin.

Won’t hurt to try. Might even feel freer in the process..

for the love of…

it’s my dad’s birthday in two weeks and we are preparing a party for him. nothing grand… just an intimate dinner with relatives and closest friends. 

since i was the one  who organized my mom’s “big” party a couple of years back, it’s but fair that i do the organizing once more this time.  oh well, who am i kidding, everyone knows that i love being on top of things where party planning is concerned… and yeah, i am a certified daddy’s girl, so i am happily planning this one.

i should have realized, though, that there are things that one cannot do or make overnight.  take for instance an audio-visual presentation.  i  have long planned to make one…  and i really thought it was going to be piece of cake.  but, boy, was i wrong.  i thought all i had to do was get pictures, scan them, save in my pc, then put everything in movie maker… i really thought i can do all that in one afternoon. 

i should have listened to my friend when he said a couple of weeks back that things like this should not be rushed.  because now, i am rushing.   i have been sitting in front of the computer since this morning with about  a hundred loose pictures all around me, and i haven’t even started with the movie maker.  i got lost in scanning.  so totally lost.  so shamefully lost.

i thought that since my three in one printer-scanner-copier was new, everything will be easy. it WAS supposed to be easy.  but then why is it that everytime i try to scan and save colored photos, i can’t get the colors right?  i don’t think my dad will appreciate seeing his face and arms in blue. yes, blue. it’s not even alien green. it’s blue… the people’s faces are blue, like that Xmen creature whose name i just can’t remember at the moment.  (well, either that or they all feel like vomiting, thus, the blue face.)

and so, in panic, i tried to seek help from my friends.  Friend A, who was supposed to be pretty techie — or so i thought — said maybe something’s wrong with the settings of my scanner.  Okay, obviously, something was wrong with the settings. the thing is, i didn’t know how to correct it.  and so he gave this really great suggestion of just taking a picture of the loose photos that i am planning to use.  click… upload… click…upload… click.. click.. click… upload…   (vs. scan…. wait… scan… wait… save… blue face… cry…).  Like all 100 of them?  Hmmm…

And then i asked another friend.  Same bright conclusion: “something’s wrong with your setting.”  But then he was honest enough to say that he was no techie and can’t help in any way. He said he can write me a poem, though, if i needed to be entertained…. Big help.  But the thought was pretty sweet.

And then i tried asking my brother-in-law — who loves tinkering with stuff and who will not stop until he solves a problem.  His conclusion:  something’s wrong with my scanner setting.  Uhm, didn’t i say that already?…Though, okay, i have to give the guy a break. He can’t really do anything with my scanner manually since he is in another country at the moment. Ergo, am stuck with his conclusion. Oh, and yeah… he managed to email me about 132 more pictures to add to my avp.  Nice.

So here i am at the end of this day, without any big progress with the avp.   Hopefully tomorrow i will get the enlightenment that i need.  Or maybe, i will just stick to my bright idea of making all the photos black and white.  

I won’t panic.   Tomorrow is another day…