Time out

It has been a very tiring couple of weeks. 

Been busy reviewing my son for his exams… then there are the other things i had to attend to for my sister who’s currently out of the country… and then there are things i need to attend to for my mom who’s out of town… then there are issues i had to help resolve — or at least i had to spend time hearing and listening about… and then there’s Mr Big who barks at 2am, and again at 5am… and although i am not always the one who stands up and attends to Mr Big in the wee hours of the morning,  i still can’t get the peaceful sleep because, well, i hear his bark.

Been sleeping late, too.  For some reason i find myself still washing dishes at 10 in the evening (which means we had late dinner)… sometimes i feel like i have to crawl to get to bed.  I find solace in the hot shower that i take before going to sleep around midnight… though i have to stay alert because there truly are nights when i’m afraid i’d fall asleep while taking a shower.  I am just so exhausted. 

My energy level is at an all-time low.  This morning i had to drink multivitamins to pep me up.  So far it hasn’t helped.  And yes, no amount of caffeine in my system seems to help, too. 

I guess we all really need some time out.  Time to do things for ourselves… time to do nothing… time not to be spent  thinking about problems or day to day issues… time to watch — i mean, REALLY watch — tv without distractions or without having to fall asleep in the middle of the show… time to read and finish a book — during the day, not at 3 in the morning… 

I know i cannot just pack my bags and leave everything behind, go somewhere where i won’t hear calls for “mommy” or the barking of the dog… even for a day — or two.  I’m too responsible for that.  I won’t say, though, that the thought never crossed my mind. 

 Supergoddess is super tired…. now that’s something you don’t see nor hear everyday!  I’d better snap out of it soon.

 

 

Stargazing

Orion’s arms are wide enough, to hold us both together

Although we’re worlds apart, I’d cross the stars for you…

                                                                    — Arms of Orion (Prince and Sheena Easton)

  

I remember loving this song when I was in college.  It wasn’t really that popular — i don’t think my friends  even knew about it — but i really fell in love with it the very first time i heard it.

Maybe it was because i was very young then.  Maybe it was the  hopeless romantic in me… the one that believed (or used to believe) in true love.  Or maybe i was once full of hope… hope in the idea that if two people are meant to be together, they will find their way to each other somehow, somewhere.

Now, two decades later, I can say that I still believe in love.  Maybe i’m not the dreamy, wide-eyed, sentimental girl that i used to be.  I have loved and lost and loved and lost… and learned.  But amidst the loving and the losing, I learned that regardless of what you’ll go through or what you’ve gone through, that feeling of “being in love” is something one would want to experience. 

The ultra-fast heart beat just at the thought of the beloved… the tendency to talk a mile a minute whenever he or she is around… the crazy, Cheshire cat grin that’s plastered on your face the whole day… the feeling of ultimate high every minute of the day… feeling so alive– full of faith, full of hope… and the thought that you can brave anything — even cross the stars– to be with that someone.  Yes, that’s being in love.  Who wouldn’t want to have that?

The feeling passes, eventually, true.  But wouldn’t you rather have that moment, however fleeting it may be?

    

Orion Constellation

 

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photo credit: Besser Museum for Northeast Michigan

(Bessermuseum.org)

Psychobabble

I haven’t blogged in a while.  I have been quite busy counselling some people that i never got to sit in front of the computer.

 Don’t get me wrong, I am not doctor nor therapist… not even a guidance counsellor.  Nor am i a pastor or a church elderly.  I believe i am just a good listener.  And sometimes, people just need someone who will listen. 

Sometimes we get so busy –engrossed — with our own issues that we tend to take other things for granted.  It feels so good to vent, whine, complain… Yackety yackety yak… feel sorry about ourselves… force someone to listen to our woes so we can feel sorrier for ourselves.  We get to be so wrapped up in our worlds that we fail to see that there are other people hurting, grieving… or just plain alone and in need. 

I spent the past week listening to my dad as he shared his thoughts… i listened to my mom as she shared the exciting (as well as non-exciting) parts of her week i listened to my brother and all his woes… i listened to my helper and all her woes… i listened to the drivers and all their woes… I listened to a friend as he kept quiet about what he’s going through.  Sometimes  you don’t have to hear words in order to understand. 

The whole exercise of listening is pretty exhausting, really.  It somehow feels better (and more fun) when you’re the one doing the talking– specially when you’re dumping on someone else the baggage that you are carrying.  And if you’re the type who loves to hear the sound of your own voice, then yackety yak away.  

But when you listen, and i mean REALLY listen (astral projection during the conversation is not considered) you are not just sharing your ear, but you are sharing your time, your presence, your whole self.  

A good listener is someone who suspends judgment, avoids criticism and keeps himself from interjecting his thoughts just so the other party will think he is so smart and knows a lot of things.  Listening entails patience.  Sometimes you are so itching to say something, but then maybe you are not expected to solve whatever problem the person you are talking to has.  Maybe your listening ear is just what the person needs, not your wise solutions to his or her problems.

It’s true, we do learn more when we listen.  We get fresh insights, we acquire different perspectives, we build — or rebuild — relationships. 

We listen not because we want to impress others.  Talking can do that.  We listen because we care. 

 And most of the time, that’s all that really matters… knowing that someone cares.

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photo credit: weheartit.com

In the alternate world…

Sometimes when I am all by myself (which is very rare), i get to think about how different my life would have been if i didn’t choose to be a domestic Supergoddess.  Not that i don’t like where I am — because i chose this path to begin with– but surely there are times when i wonder what my alternate reality would have been like.

In my alternate world, the alternate Me is probably… a Victoria’s Secret model.

Okay, so that’s too much. Let’s be more realistic this time.  In my alternate world, the alternate Me does tv ads and photo shoots, patiently goes to “go sees,” and is about 5 pounds lighter.  Maybe alternate Me is dating a tall, hunk of an Italian… or a younger guy… (whoever’s hotter)… Alternate Me lives on her own and travels to other countries at will to go shopping…Alternate Me has a long line of suitors,  all waiting for me to dump hot Italian guy (or hot younger guy)…

Of course, Alternate Me is a spoiled brat who couldn’t live without a helper, a cook and an assistant (think Gossip Girl’s Blair), so I have to have those… or better yet I live in a hotel so i’ll perpetually have room service and a butler.

 Alternate Me loves to shop… wears pretty dresses, and is not afraid of showing some skin.  Alternate Me is also more sociable, parties every weekend and has gazillion friends.  Alternate Me is the life of the party and is not a stuck up witch. 

Everybody just loves Alternate Me…

… and for some reason, my idea of my alternate world is turning out to be shallow and senseless.

In MY reality (the real Me), i don’t have an Italian lover — nor a  boy toy.  I don’t get to do stuff on my own much anymore… I hardly go clubbing, and though I am nice to people, I choose my real friends.  I like shopping (my stress reliever), i don’t like long drives, but I do love staying at hotels.  I don’t have a full time helper nor an assistant (goodbye, Blair), but I have a driver (who’s so big that he can double as a bodyguard).

In MY reality, i’d rather have a quiet night with a book than go to a party.  Maybe i still have a string of admirers hiding somewhere, but they are doing a pretty good job of hiding… I used to want to appear in tv ads (and i did some in my previous life), but now I would rather write a book. 

I don’t have the supermodel body, but i can say i have the right curves at the right places. 

Right now I can say that I am happy where I am.  I may not be a Victoria’s Secret supermodel, but i believe I’m the best Supergoddess Mom to my Super Son.  That is achievement enough. 

Besides, being the Supergoddess in a Victoria’s Secret lingerie isn’t all that bad. It’s not bad at all…

Superhero Me

Two Fridays ago, i woke up feeling like there’s a ball stuck in my throat.  It was hurting pretty bad and i thought i was having an onset of colds or tonsilitis.  Quietly, i told the people at home that i had a sore throat.  Maybe i said it in a very quiet way that nobody seemed to have minded.

That same night, He Man arrived and said he wasn’t feeling well.  When i told him my throat has been hurting since morning, the reply was : “You can’t get sick! Somebody has to take care of Mr. Big!” (please refer to Cast of Characters page to know who Mr. Big is).  For some reason, I got instantly healed that weekend… or maybe my throat cooperated — for Mr. Big’s sake.

Last Friday morning, my throat was acting up again.  It felt so dry and again, it was hurting.  (I don’t know why but i keep getting sore throats on Fridays… hmmm.)  Again, I quietly told the people at home that I wasn’t feeling too well. 

That afternoon, when i picked up The Son from school, I found him sitting quietly in one corner, flushed and feverish.  And so we headed straight to a clinic so a pediatrician can take a look at him.   Since the Son was obviously sick… and someone had to take  care of him… well, my sore throat was once again forgotten.   

I guess it goes with the territory.  When you’re the mom — and a hands-on one, at that– you are not allowed to get sick.  You are expected to stay strong and healthy so you can hold the fort 24/7.  Though most of the time you are thought of and treated as a mere “hero support,”  when the going gets tough, Super Mom is the one left standing.

[Thumbnail: WonderWoman07]

Ultimately, the last man standing… is a woman.

 

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(photo credit: gallery.future-i.com)

On giving…

Yesterday I learned a very valuable lesson.

When you give and not expect anything in return… when you reach out to strangers without counting what you will gain– or if you will gain anything at all… When you give a part of yourself, just because you know there are others in need and you have something to give…

Everything comes back to you, one way or the other.  Somehow the value of the material thing that you gave away will never measure up to the joy that you will get back.

A lot of times i ask myself what my purpose in life is.  Yesterday, i was reminded that every good thing I do does not go unnoticed…

  â—â—‹â—â—‹ on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

The joy of giving… priceless.

 

 

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photo credit: weheartit.com