I got to talk to an old friend of mine earlier. It wasn’t one of those light, funny conversations that we normally have. This time there were more deep sighs and moments of silence… mainly because she is nursing a heartache — and I basically just listened for the most part (that is, during the times when she was venting). I just listened and processed the whole situation in my mind.
She said she was sort of seeing this guy for several months now. She said she didn’t really think she would fall for the guy at first because, well, she just never expected that to happen. But the guy was pretty persistent, was really very sweet… held her high on a pedestal. He made her feel really good about herself, like she was some goddess (okay, this was the part where i giggled a bit, but then not wanting to be insensitive, i pretty much kept the giggling to myself).
So basically, she says, the guy became a part of her everyday life. Whatever reservations she had in the beginning were set aside. She let herself start to feel something. And it was a good feeling, she told me… When you’re not fighting whatever it is you are feeling. She was basically in 7th heaven for a time.
Then several days ago, things changed. All of a sudden, the guy who was running after her for the longest time seemed to have decided (on his own) that he doesn’t want to be sweet anymore. He became distant… It’s like the roles were reversed. She became the paranoid one, always thinking something’s wrong, wondering why he’s not as “present” as he used to be. While he boldly tells her she has so many issues, too much drama… She said she really doesn’t know what went wrong, but she felt it was the beginning of their ending.
And then she ended the story there. Basically kept quiet for a while. I was at a loss for words, didn’t know what to say right away. But I felt her pain. I was expecting her to start bawling, but she didn’t. She said it was too tiring to cry. She just kept sighing deeply. Eventually, I was doing the same.
Some things really don’t change. Whether you are 16 or 36, these things happen. You fall for the wrong guy… wrong guy hurts you. Or you fall for the right guy, yet right guy also hurts you. Sometimes they do the best cop out– that is, the Harry Houdini act. They will basically just disappear without telling you what the heck happened. Sometimes they are scared to get too attached. Sometimes it is just about the novelty… or the conquest.
Sometimes we meet someone who makes us happy, but the circumstances just don’t agree with the relationship… so we have to let go. Sometimes we meet someone who we think can make us happy, but eventually we find out we cannot force things to happen. Sometimes, things just happen.
Yes, our hearts can break — whether we are 16 or 36.
But the difference is, at 36 we know better. At 36, we know that life goes on even after a heartbreak. At 36, we know that crying doesn’t really make one glow, but merely just puffs up our eyes. We know that guys can still hurt our feelings (the same way we can hurt theirs)… Our hearts still break.. but that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. We wake up the following day to the same sun, sky, earth… Sometimes we may feel like we are running out of air, but when we breathe deeply, there’s still oxygen going in.
At 36, we know better. We know when to hold on and when to let go. It may be difficult at first, but sometimes we really just have to will ourselves to move on… and we will.