Life Matters

peace and quiet

At just about the same time that I was writing my blog last Friday, something tragic was happening in Japan.

As I was musing about the universe telling me something by way of a sudden increase in my blog hits, somewhere out there, nature was making its power felt thru a strong earthquake and a devastating tsunami.

My sign was just a mere whisper.  For the people affected by the earthquake and the tsunami, the universe practically sent them a scream. 

There may be no connection between me and them.  Or there is a great connection between all of us, because we are all living in one planet… our lives, one way or the other, interwoven. 

As I watched the news about the calamity that befell Japan, I can’t help but be ashamed of the little things that I let myself get bothered by.  Somehow, my concerns seemed trivial, even shallow, compared to the plight of the ones affected by the calamity.   

The tsunami that hit Japan showed how everything is fleeting.  In a split second, one can lose everything that he has.  It also made me realize that one can never be too ready.  Having too much money, or a big house, or whatever material stuff you can think of, cannot protect you from whatever the universe throws your way. 

A lot of things we deem important all of a sudden seemed to lose their relevance.

Fragile and Precious

Life is fragile.  It can be taken away from you with or without warning.  That’s why your every single breathing moment should count. (And yes, it’s not about counting blog hits.) 

Life is precious.  Each of us has only one life to live.  Perhaps the best thing to do is to live it well. 

What does living well mean?  Maybe it’s by choosing to be happy.  It’s by choosing to make other people happy.  It’s about lending a hand to others less fortunate… putting a smile on someone else’s face… or even by just smiling at other people.

Maybe it’s about sharing.  It’s by blessing others with what you, yourself, are blessed with.  It may be by sharing what you no longer need to those who need it more… or sharing your talent for others to learn from… or maybe even sharing your time with those people who really just need someone who will listen or stay with them. 

Sometimes we get  too wrapped up in ourselves that we worry and we get stressed and anxious about the littlest things.  Our world seems to get so small… basically because our world revolves around ourselves.

Look outside.  There’s a big world around you.  Other people share your troubles.  There are other people who have greater troubles even. 

Maybe if we know what it means to be thankful… REALLY thankful… for the things that we have, then life won’t be such a struggle. 

contentment

Yes, I believe in striving hard to get better.  I believe in expecting greatness.  We all deserve that.  Yet I also believe in contentment.  Contentment doesn’t mean limiting yourself or setting your standards low.  To me it’s about being at peace with what you have and not putting emphasis on just the material things.  It’s about being grateful for what you have at present. 

It is about finding joy in what you have, what you are doing and where you are.  In the end, that’s all that really matters, right? 

“I had no shoes and complained, until I met a man who had no feet.” 

– Indian proverb

 

*** *** *** *** ***

photos via weheartit.com

Author’s note: Welcome back, my pretty pink background! 🙂

When the Universe Tells You Something…

For the Drama Queen Me

In my last blog, I was basically ranting about being so busy that I don’t get to write as often as I would want.  I talked about how my family always comes first and how I am ready to give up things I am supposed to do for myself the moment one family member hollers for me. 

I was pretty sad that day.  It was one of those moments when you want to do a lot of things but you know that you won’t be fair to anybody if you choose to do all.   I wanted to write more often.  I wanted to start on my writing project, but I also am in the middle of planning a major baseball event, that my thoughts are pretty much all over the place.  Throw in the day to day activities of the brood… So the other day, it really felt like something’s gotta give.  Basically it felt like that something was me.

Honestly, I feel bad whenever I see my blog hits dwindling.  And for several days leading to my last entry, my hits were somehow stuck at 3 a day — okay, sometimes 2.  Hurray for me.  I really felt quite low.  But then again, I can’t blame my readers… why will they stay (or come back) if I can’t offer anything new, right?  

I was beginning to feel the pressure.  Part of me was saying, I must blog everyday.  I must have more hits.  Another part was saying, Forget the blog. Start your dream project.  And still another part, Forget all those.  You have a baseball tournament to manage!!

which way now?!

Bottomline is, I felt like I had to explain myself.  I had to explain why it’s taking forever for me to start my writing project.  Explain why my blog stats is in its near-death state.   Explain why I’m hovering over my son as he studies for his exams.  I felt like I had to explain every little thing I do, every choice I make.  Though I don’t really know who I am explaining to… I may be explaining to the wind, for that matter… It just felt better afterwards. 

Maybe, just maybe, at the back of my mind I knew that I wouldn’t feel as bad anymore when I see my blog stats.  I was giving myself reasons to NOT feel bad that no one visits my blog (since there’s nothing new to see anyway).  And I was releasing myself from that pressure of having to compose something even when my thoughts are  in shambles (Pretty much like now?!).  I told myself I won’t force myself to blog if I don’t have anything to blog about… and I won’t feel guilty not having blogged.  More so, I won’t get suicidal after seeing my blog stats. 

That was three days ago. 

And then something happened… again. 

Yesterday was another busy day.  I didn’t get the chance to check my WordPress page the whole day.  Besides, after 5 days of having a mere 3 hits per day, I pretty much knew the trend.  And since I didn’t post a new entry, then all the more I couldn’t expect anything more than 3.

Come night time, just before I went to bed, I opened my WordPress account.  Force of habit.  Some practices are hard to let go of…

Not mine. Though my graph looked somewhat like this.

76. Seventy six. LXXVI.  At ten in the evening, I had 76 hits.  I almost fell off my chair. 

Okay you might be thinking, cheap thrills SGM!   But no, to me that wasn’t cheap.  Not when I was getting used to 3.  76 is a gift!  Though at the back of my mind I was thinking that maybe half of that was from a spam-connected link (sorry, I don’t know the word for it), well I was still happy with the number.  I ended the day with 79.  Of course they had to add 3 more (probably my 3 loyal fans remembered to visit my blog that night).

Whole point of this entry?!  Well, the universe HAS a sense of humor.  Just when you thought you are ready to give up on something, the universe will find a way to make you NOT give it up if you truly are not ready.  Just when you thought you have lost all direction, the universe will show you the way… or will veer you to a direction you can take.

Just when I thought I ran out of topics to write about, well, I had this.  And just when I thought that I didn’t have the time to sit down and write… well, I found the time to sit down and write.  It was just a matter of time management.

When the universe tells you something… maybe you should just listen.

*** *** *** *** *** *** ***

photos via weheartit.com / WP stats via google images

Writing, Interrupted

 
I made some changes… and then I disappeared.

It’s the 8th of March.  The last time I blogged was on the last day of February.  Okay, so maybe that was just a week ago, yet I really feel like something’s amiss.  I just can’t make myself sit in front of the computer long enough to compose a decent blog. 

Two weeks ago I told a friend of mine about my dream writing project.  It was an idea that came to me sometime in the beginning of this year.  I toyed around with the idea and even made some research about it.  I was all gung-ho at first… determined to put a start on this project as soon as possible.  I felt I was ready enough.  I believed I write well enough.  I was confident that I could do something BY myself and FOR myself, using the God-given skills and talents that I have. 

And then something happened.  Life happened. 

Perhaps everyone who knows me also knows that for me, family always comes first.  In my everyday existence for the past ten or so years, my life is about my family.  My son.  My partner.  Even down to my parents and my siblings.  I am “hero support” after all.  Taking care of them is what I do.  It is what I do best.

Writing is a passion.  Blogging is something that helps me de-stress.  Whenever I write, I get to express the thoughts that I don’t get to say easily.  Writing helps keep my brain cells from turning into mush or from simply dying.  My greatest fear is to get Alzheimer’s (and at a very young age), so I have to do something to keep my brain cells functioning.  And so I vowed I will write as often as I can.  I will try to get published more often,  I will blog regularly. 

In the beginning of the year, I vowed to hone my writing skills so that when people ask me what I do, I can say that I am a writer without feeling like such a fake.   And I told myself I will take a few more brave steps and start with my writing project…

and like I said earlier,  life happened. 

Superhero Me

My life.  That superhero day job of me taking care of the world… or at least, the people in my world.  Somehow I don’t have the luxury of time to just sit down and compose something.  Even finishing this blog is getting to be quite difficult.  You have no idea how many drafts I started and saved (or eventually discarded).  I think of a topic… and then the phone rings… I try to write some, and then I get cellphone messages… and I totally lose my train of thought.  When I start to write once again, I get to remember the reviewer I have to make for my son’s exams, and then I feel guilty for not prioritizing that first.

And so I go back to doing things for them first before I do things for me

No, I am not complaining.  I chose this kind of life.  I derive joy from the gratitude and appreciation that my family show me for the things — some little, some big — that I do for them.   And maybe this is really the kind of person that I am… I mean, I will always choose helping my son with his project first before I start with my own project.  I will be there for my sister whenever her boys need me, even if that would mean giving up my writing time.   Planning that major baseball event for the boys eats up most of my waking hours, but I wouldn’t think of giving it up.

Maybe it’s because it feels good to be needed.   I can write and write and write and have hundreds of readers, and still feel alone… Or I can spend my time doing something for someone, and feel fulfilled.

Please remind me next time...

Right now it seems my other projects weigh more than the writing project that I dreamed for myself.   I can’t force myself to begin a new writing project when all that’s in my mind at the moment are either baseball, exams and zombies.  I will probably end up writing about nothing but — well, baseball, exams and zombies.   HAVE been blogging about zombies.  How lame is that?!

I have my family, and I have my writing.  My family is my life… and writing is who I am.  It’s not like I have to choose one over the other.  But sometimes there’s just not enough time to concentrate on both.  I wouldn’t want to come up with a product that’s half-baked. I know I have to prioritize something.    

So if you don’t see me around in the next couple of weeks, I guess you already know what that means. (It means I am recharging… regrouping… or I’m basically just insanely busy doing something else.)

I am not making excuses.  It just is.

The hard part is seeing my daily blog hits dwindling (hurray to the 3 hits I’ve been getting for the past three days!!).  But then again, as Don Michaele Corleone once said, “That is the price you pay for the life you choose.”

Oh well.  C’est la vie.

*** *** *** *** ***

photos via weheartit.com; superhero photo via google image