Sleepless but happy

Couldn't. Sleep.

Couldn’t. Sleep.

Something happened yesterday that had a direct effect on my sleeping habits…

Unexpected effect: Sleepless night.  Possible cause: Blogging.

Here’s why… You see, several hours after I posted my blog, my email started receiving notifications saying either someone has liked my post or someone started following me.  After the second or the third notification, I realized that people actually read what I wrote! Oh yey! — I no longer had to think that maybe I was just talking to myself or to the air (cyber air?!) the whole time… 

It felt good, really, knowing that someone’s interested enough… And so, I spent most part of the night peeking at either my email inbox or my WordPress notification to find out if there was another “like” or “follower.”  I was like a child on a Christmas morning.  Excited and expectant.

Then WordPress made me giddier by posting this: January 7 – Your best day for likes on “Supergoddess Me.”  Never mind if the number of likes isn’t even more than 20… Come to think of it, I’m not even sure if it’s more than 10… Yet, I’m still thankful.  So thankful I wanted to dance for joy the whole night.

My mind was so active, I started thinking of topics to write about, stories to share next.  It was already almost midnight and I was still so excited… and I was also so awake.

This is the effect blogging has on me… Though it’s also possible that the Mocha Ice Blended drink that I bought in the afternoon played a part…

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When it’s almost midnight and you couldn’t sleep, sometimes you turn to your television for support and companionship. You try to find either something worthwhile that will make you feel glad you stayed awake… or something utterly boring that will lull you to sleep.

Last night, I found Criminal Minds. Fortunately the episode wasn’t a rerun. Unfortunately, I couldn’t stop watching.

Criminal Minds

Hotchner. Morgan. *drool*

I remember mentioning in my blog years back how much I loved the show.  Between Hotchner and Morgan, gawd, what’s not to love?! I simply ADORE Shemar Moore (Derek Morgan).  Every time Criminal Minds is on air, I somehow get glued… regardless of how gory the episode may be.

So instead of falling asleep, I found myself at midnight wide awake, intently watching Criminal Minds, eventually getting creeped out… ended up praying that I won’t have bad dreams when I finally do fall asleep.

Not good.

But because of Derek Morgan, it wasn’t exactly that bad, either.

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Around six hours later…

It’s a brand new day.  I think I slept well, considering… and I woke up reenergized.  First thing I did when I woke up was to check my notification. Haha, talk about the need for affirmation.

Before I delve into my insecurities and start babbling, let me thank you for taking time yesterday — and today — to read what I had to say.  Thank you for “following” the site.  I hope I don’t disappoint. Maybe sometimes, I will — especially during the times when I am not exactly writing something deep or profound… (like now?!). But thank you just the same.

It feels good knowing that my words reach someone. Hopefully I get to entertain or inspire.  I hope you stick around. DO stick around.

Regardless of how old we get, there will always be that child in us waiting for that moment of thrill and pure joy.

Writing brings me pure joy.  I am happy when I get to put my thoughts into words. And I am happier when people appreciate those words.

It’s Christmas morning all over again.

SGM

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photo credits: wide-eyed smiley via iemoji ; Criminal Minds via google images

The Reluctant Blogger

Several entries ago, I wrote about feeling bad about not having (yet) a good number of daily followers for my blog site.  I aired out my frustration, and on hindsight, I think I was being too self-absorbed (like, the world’s not going to end if no one gets to read my blogs, right?!).

And so I began to question my reasons for blogging.  I asked myself if my intention is really for people to read my work, learn from me, or if I just blog because I want to blog.  But as my best friend/person pointed out, what good is a written work if there’s no one to read it?

Best friend /person gave some really good suggestions.  She’s right.  If I want people to get to read my blogs, I should promote it. I’m the best person to market my blogs — meaning, I can’t hide inside a shell and wait for some random reader to see (and like) what I wrote, and pray that random reader thinks of including my site in his or her blogroll.   That’s just not the way it works. 

The thing is I love to write, but most often than not, I am embarrassed to share my work.  It’s quite difficult for me just say, “Hey, I wrote something. Read it!!”  Even more difficult if I’m “selling” my work to people I know.  Somehow, I care too much about what they will think of my writing — that I’d rather not know.  Sometimes, it IS easier to accept the reactions — or criticisms — from strangers.  And yes, there are things — thoughts and issues — that I write about that I don’t really want to advertise to my family and friends (like, when I vent about the people I dislike… or I talk about the guys I think are hot… you get my drift!).  Somehow there are things that you just don’t want to explain anymore — and that’s what families and friends do best, question your issues.

And so, this reluctant blogger created another blog site with the intention of making that one public (meaning, that one I WILL advertise to friends and relatives).  Maybe even shamelessly advertise. There I will write the formal stuff.  I will be in my professional writer mode (or at least, try…). 

This one is for my stranger-friends (an oxymoron)… the ones who don’t personally know me, yet who I get to share what’s in my head with.  No strings attached.  I get to write AND not get interrogated. Totally win-win situation.

How I will be able to sustain having two blog sites… well, there lies the challenge.  Considering I run out of issues when I still had just one… now it’s double the writing work…

faith, trust _ pixie dust.

I need my Muse... wait, I am my Muse!

And as my close friend pointed out, now I will end up monitoring blog stats of two sites.  I think what he said was, “Two blogs to obsess about.”

He knows me too well.

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photo via weheartit.com

Going 800

When I started blogging, I didn’t really know what to expect.  In fact, I didn’t know whether I should keep my real identity to myself  (and to the ones closest to me who know that I blog)… or if I should use my name and mention names of  family members, friends — and enemies — that I blog about.  I chose the former for privacy issues.  But the stories and events were all real.  The feelings and thoughts I shared were genuine and they were mine. 

As much as I love writing, I still feel shy about my work  that I have to read and edit my blogs a hundred times before I post them.  If the computer can talk, it will probably scream, “Go ahead and post it. NOW!!!” after the tenth time I have gone over the blog.  Sometimes I am just OC… there’s this compelling need to spell and grammar check over and over again.  Sometimes I think my topic is just too trivial that my readers might now like it.  Sometimes, in the middle of a post, my brains just suddenly stop functioning and I will lose my train of thought… or I will forget the point I am trying to arrive at.  And I will end up asking myself if the blog was worth posting… Which will be followed by the question — do my readers actually care what I blog about? 

Talk about being a reluctant blogger.  I seem to have too many issues.

When I checked this morning, I found out that I had about 796 hits already.  Wow.  I can still remember the time when I was so excited having 150 hits… and then when I reached 500, I was in 7th heaven.   Although i think half of the hits belonged to (or should I say came from?) my person/bestfriend/cousin… and one fourth of it from a close friend of mine (who only remembers to read my blogs whenever reminded)… and yeah, one-eighth were probably mine… well, I still am happy that I have readers from various parts of the globe comprising the remaining one-eighth of the hits.  To be more accurate, that’s about a hundred readers-cum-new-friends from all over the world (insert the song “It’s A Small World ” here…).

Right before writing this entry, I checked my stats and found out that I now have 799 hits.  One reader short of being 800.  I am deliriously happy.  Maybe my source of happiness is a bit shallow. But just the same, I am glad that somehow I get to touch someone’s life with my writing.  And that is something I am not embarrassed about.

So whether you read my blogs because you think I am funny… or because you think I make sense… or you expect to find some sort of wisdom in my musings… or you find my (mis)adventures hilarious or pathetic… or maybe you got directed to my site by accident — and you can’t help but keep coming back (yay!)… Or maybe you are the cousin or the friend that I shamelessly advertised my blog to… For whatever reason that you stopped by and became my 577th or 701st hit… I just want to say thank you.  Thank you for giving me more reasons to write. 

Like what someone had told me not so long ago (i think it was just last week, actually)… what good is a written work when there is no one to read it?  So very, very true. 

inspire  This is for you… because you stayed awhile.

 

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photo credit: weheartit.com