When the Universe Tells You Something…

For the Drama Queen Me

In my last blog, I was basically ranting about being so busy that I don’t get to write as often as I would want.  I talked about how my family always comes first and how I am ready to give up things I am supposed to do for myself the moment one family member hollers for me. 

I was pretty sad that day.  It was one of those moments when you want to do a lot of things but you know that you won’t be fair to anybody if you choose to do all.   I wanted to write more often.  I wanted to start on my writing project, but I also am in the middle of planning a major baseball event, that my thoughts are pretty much all over the place.  Throw in the day to day activities of the brood… So the other day, it really felt like something’s gotta give.  Basically it felt like that something was me.

Honestly, I feel bad whenever I see my blog hits dwindling.  And for several days leading to my last entry, my hits were somehow stuck at 3 a day — okay, sometimes 2.  Hurray for me.  I really felt quite low.  But then again, I can’t blame my readers… why will they stay (or come back) if I can’t offer anything new, right?  

I was beginning to feel the pressure.  Part of me was saying, I must blog everyday.  I must have more hits.  Another part was saying, Forget the blog. Start your dream project.  And still another part, Forget all those.  You have a baseball tournament to manage!!

which way now?!

Bottomline is, I felt like I had to explain myself.  I had to explain why it’s taking forever for me to start my writing project.  Explain why my blog stats is in its near-death state.   Explain why I’m hovering over my son as he studies for his exams.  I felt like I had to explain every little thing I do, every choice I make.  Though I don’t really know who I am explaining to… I may be explaining to the wind, for that matter… It just felt better afterwards. 

Maybe, just maybe, at the back of my mind I knew that I wouldn’t feel as bad anymore when I see my blog stats.  I was giving myself reasons to NOT feel bad that no one visits my blog (since there’s nothing new to see anyway).  And I was releasing myself from that pressure of having to compose something even when my thoughts are  in shambles (Pretty much like now?!).  I told myself I won’t force myself to blog if I don’t have anything to blog about… and I won’t feel guilty not having blogged.  More so, I won’t get suicidal after seeing my blog stats. 

That was three days ago. 

And then something happened… again. 

Yesterday was another busy day.  I didn’t get the chance to check my WordPress page the whole day.  Besides, after 5 days of having a mere 3 hits per day, I pretty much knew the trend.  And since I didn’t post a new entry, then all the more I couldn’t expect anything more than 3.

Come night time, just before I went to bed, I opened my WordPress account.  Force of habit.  Some practices are hard to let go of…

Not mine. Though my graph looked somewhat like this.

76. Seventy six. LXXVI.  At ten in the evening, I had 76 hits.  I almost fell off my chair. 

Okay you might be thinking, cheap thrills SGM!   But no, to me that wasn’t cheap.  Not when I was getting used to 3.  76 is a gift!  Though at the back of my mind I was thinking that maybe half of that was from a spam-connected link (sorry, I don’t know the word for it), well I was still happy with the number.  I ended the day with 79.  Of course they had to add 3 more (probably my 3 loyal fans remembered to visit my blog that night).

Whole point of this entry?!  Well, the universe HAS a sense of humor.  Just when you thought you are ready to give up on something, the universe will find a way to make you NOT give it up if you truly are not ready.  Just when you thought you have lost all direction, the universe will show you the way… or will veer you to a direction you can take.

Just when I thought I ran out of topics to write about, well, I had this.  And just when I thought that I didn’t have the time to sit down and write… well, I found the time to sit down and write.  It was just a matter of time management.

When the universe tells you something… maybe you should just listen.

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photos via weheartit.com / WP stats via google images

The Reluctant Blogger

Several entries ago, I wrote about feeling bad about not having (yet) a good number of daily followers for my blog site.  I aired out my frustration, and on hindsight, I think I was being too self-absorbed (like, the world’s not going to end if no one gets to read my blogs, right?!).

And so I began to question my reasons for blogging.  I asked myself if my intention is really for people to read my work, learn from me, or if I just blog because I want to blog.  But as my best friend/person pointed out, what good is a written work if there’s no one to read it?

Best friend /person gave some really good suggestions.  She’s right.  If I want people to get to read my blogs, I should promote it. I’m the best person to market my blogs — meaning, I can’t hide inside a shell and wait for some random reader to see (and like) what I wrote, and pray that random reader thinks of including my site in his or her blogroll.   That’s just not the way it works. 

The thing is I love to write, but most often than not, I am embarrassed to share my work.  It’s quite difficult for me just say, “Hey, I wrote something. Read it!!”  Even more difficult if I’m “selling” my work to people I know.  Somehow, I care too much about what they will think of my writing — that I’d rather not know.  Sometimes, it IS easier to accept the reactions — or criticisms — from strangers.  And yes, there are things — thoughts and issues — that I write about that I don’t really want to advertise to my family and friends (like, when I vent about the people I dislike… or I talk about the guys I think are hot… you get my drift!).  Somehow there are things that you just don’t want to explain anymore — and that’s what families and friends do best, question your issues.

And so, this reluctant blogger created another blog site with the intention of making that one public (meaning, that one I WILL advertise to friends and relatives).  Maybe even shamelessly advertise. There I will write the formal stuff.  I will be in my professional writer mode (or at least, try…). 

This one is for my stranger-friends (an oxymoron)… the ones who don’t personally know me, yet who I get to share what’s in my head with.  No strings attached.  I get to write AND not get interrogated. Totally win-win situation.

How I will be able to sustain having two blog sites… well, there lies the challenge.  Considering I run out of issues when I still had just one… now it’s double the writing work…

faith, trust _ pixie dust.

I need my Muse... wait, I am my Muse!

And as my close friend pointed out, now I will end up monitoring blog stats of two sites.  I think what he said was, “Two blogs to obsess about.”

He knows me too well.

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photo via weheartit.com