The Reluctant Blogger

Several entries ago, I wrote about feeling bad about not having (yet) a good number of daily followers for my blog site.  I aired out my frustration, and on hindsight, I think I was being too self-absorbed (like, the world’s not going to end if no one gets to read my blogs, right?!).

And so I began to question my reasons for blogging.  I asked myself if my intention is really for people to read my work, learn from me, or if I just blog because I want to blog.  But as my best friend/person pointed out, what good is a written work if there’s no one to read it?

Best friend /person gave some really good suggestions.  She’s right.  If I want people to get to read my blogs, I should promote it. I’m the best person to market my blogs — meaning, I can’t hide inside a shell and wait for some random reader to see (and like) what I wrote, and pray that random reader thinks of including my site in his or her blogroll.   That’s just not the way it works. 

The thing is I love to write, but most often than not, I am embarrassed to share my work.  It’s quite difficult for me just say, “Hey, I wrote something. Read it!!”  Even more difficult if I’m “selling” my work to people I know.  Somehow, I care too much about what they will think of my writing — that I’d rather not know.  Sometimes, it IS easier to accept the reactions — or criticisms — from strangers.  And yes, there are things — thoughts and issues — that I write about that I don’t really want to advertise to my family and friends (like, when I vent about the people I dislike… or I talk about the guys I think are hot… you get my drift!).  Somehow there are things that you just don’t want to explain anymore — and that’s what families and friends do best, question your issues.

And so, this reluctant blogger created another blog site with the intention of making that one public (meaning, that one I WILL advertise to friends and relatives).  Maybe even shamelessly advertise. There I will write the formal stuff.  I will be in my professional writer mode (or at least, try…). 

This one is for my stranger-friends (an oxymoron)… the ones who don’t personally know me, yet who I get to share what’s in my head with.  No strings attached.  I get to write AND not get interrogated. Totally win-win situation.

How I will be able to sustain having two blog sites… well, there lies the challenge.  Considering I run out of issues when I still had just one… now it’s double the writing work…

faith, trust _ pixie dust.

I need my Muse... wait, I am my Muse!

And as my close friend pointed out, now I will end up monitoring blog stats of two sites.  I think what he said was, “Two blogs to obsess about.”

He knows me too well.

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photo via weheartit.com

Going 800

When I started blogging, I didn’t really know what to expect.  In fact, I didn’t know whether I should keep my real identity to myself  (and to the ones closest to me who know that I blog)… or if I should use my name and mention names of  family members, friends — and enemies — that I blog about.  I chose the former for privacy issues.  But the stories and events were all real.  The feelings and thoughts I shared were genuine and they were mine. 

As much as I love writing, I still feel shy about my work  that I have to read and edit my blogs a hundred times before I post them.  If the computer can talk, it will probably scream, “Go ahead and post it. NOW!!!” after the tenth time I have gone over the blog.  Sometimes I am just OC… there’s this compelling need to spell and grammar check over and over again.  Sometimes I think my topic is just too trivial that my readers might now like it.  Sometimes, in the middle of a post, my brains just suddenly stop functioning and I will lose my train of thought… or I will forget the point I am trying to arrive at.  And I will end up asking myself if the blog was worth posting… Which will be followed by the question — do my readers actually care what I blog about? 

Talk about being a reluctant blogger.  I seem to have too many issues.

When I checked this morning, I found out that I had about 796 hits already.  Wow.  I can still remember the time when I was so excited having 150 hits… and then when I reached 500, I was in 7th heaven.   Although i think half of the hits belonged to (or should I say came from?) my person/bestfriend/cousin… and one fourth of it from a close friend of mine (who only remembers to read my blogs whenever reminded)… and yeah, one-eighth were probably mine… well, I still am happy that I have readers from various parts of the globe comprising the remaining one-eighth of the hits.  To be more accurate, that’s about a hundred readers-cum-new-friends from all over the world (insert the song “It’s A Small World ” here…).

Right before writing this entry, I checked my stats and found out that I now have 799 hits.  One reader short of being 800.  I am deliriously happy.  Maybe my source of happiness is a bit shallow. But just the same, I am glad that somehow I get to touch someone’s life with my writing.  And that is something I am not embarrassed about.

So whether you read my blogs because you think I am funny… or because you think I make sense… or you expect to find some sort of wisdom in my musings… or you find my (mis)adventures hilarious or pathetic… or maybe you got directed to my site by accident — and you can’t help but keep coming back (yay!)… Or maybe you are the cousin or the friend that I shamelessly advertised my blog to… For whatever reason that you stopped by and became my 577th or 701st hit… I just want to say thank you.  Thank you for giving me more reasons to write. 

Like what someone had told me not so long ago (i think it was just last week, actually)… what good is a written work when there is no one to read it?  So very, very true. 

inspire  This is for you… because you stayed awhile.

 

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photo credit: weheartit.com

 

Blogging Blues

It can get frustrating sometimes. 

I blog about my thoughts, my experiences, my feelings about matters, how i view the world… Sometimes i go on and on and i feel good about myself after finishing a piece.  I feel good about having to express myself.  I think about the readers whose lives I will touch or whose feelings I will move with my insights.  I think about the ones I will entertain with my sometimes shallow humor.  I think about the people who will smile after reading about an escapade.  And I feel happy… satisfied… proud, even.

Then after half a day has passed, I will check my stats… only to find out that there’s just one reader –who probably just happened to find my site by chance and decided to stay on it and read…

I will try to check again come night time… and then I will see that the lone reader is still very much alone.

The following day before I post another blog, I will check my stats once more to see if there was any movement while I was sleeping… hoping that I have loyal followers from another time zone.  Sometimes i get two or three more. On good days, I will probably have 5.

Yes, it can get frustrating somewhat.

Sometimes I wonder if I am really a good writer… because if I were interesting enough, then maybe I will have more followers.  Right now I think the only people who constantly follow my blogs are my cousin/person, my close friend (when not busy and when reminded)… and oh yeah, Me. 

So, so sad.

But then when I think about it, I remember the reason why I started all these…

I started blogging for self-expression.  I started blogging because I loved writing and I express myself better with written words.  Make me speak in front of people and I will probably spend thirty minutes vomiting before every speech.  If you want to know my thoughts, make me sit down and write.  It’s much easier for me that way. Besides, there’s always delete.  I can edit out the words that don’t fit.

I blog because I get to think about things whenever I write about them.  I get to ask myself questions, and most of the time I find the answers, as well.  Of course I would love to be able to share my ideas and thoughts and misadventures with someone.  I would love to inspire people.  Putting a smile on a reader’s face is a nice outcome.  But then given that I don’t have much followers yet, well, I blog more for myself. 

Sometimes my topic don’t make much sense.  Well, a lot of the things in this world don’t make much sense.  But they make life more interesting in a way. 

I blog because writing is a passion.  I am a writer… and writers write. 

I do believe that if I keep blogging, they — my readers– will come.  And so I keep the faith.

Le Penne

 

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photo credit: weheartit.com