Sleepless but happy

Couldn't. Sleep.

Couldn’t. Sleep.

Something happened yesterday that had a direct effect on my sleeping habits…

Unexpected effect: Sleepless night.  Possible cause: Blogging.

Here’s why… You see, several hours after I posted my blog, my email started receiving notifications saying either someone has liked my post or someone started following me.  After the second or the third notification, I realized that people actually read what I wrote! Oh yey! — I no longer had to think that maybe I was just talking to myself or to the air (cyber air?!) the whole time… 

It felt good, really, knowing that someone’s interested enough… And so, I spent most part of the night peeking at either my email inbox or my WordPress notification to find out if there was another “like” or “follower.”  I was like a child on a Christmas morning.  Excited and expectant.

Then WordPress made me giddier by posting this: January 7 – Your best day for likes on “Supergoddess Me.”  Never mind if the number of likes isn’t even more than 20… Come to think of it, I’m not even sure if it’s more than 10… Yet, I’m still thankful.  So thankful I wanted to dance for joy the whole night.

My mind was so active, I started thinking of topics to write about, stories to share next.  It was already almost midnight and I was still so excited… and I was also so awake.

This is the effect blogging has on me… Though it’s also possible that the Mocha Ice Blended drink that I bought in the afternoon played a part…

*****

When it’s almost midnight and you couldn’t sleep, sometimes you turn to your television for support and companionship. You try to find either something worthwhile that will make you feel glad you stayed awake… or something utterly boring that will lull you to sleep.

Last night, I found Criminal Minds. Fortunately the episode wasn’t a rerun. Unfortunately, I couldn’t stop watching.

Criminal Minds

Hotchner. Morgan. *drool*

I remember mentioning in my blog years back how much I loved the show.  Between Hotchner and Morgan, gawd, what’s not to love?! I simply ADORE Shemar Moore (Derek Morgan).  Every time Criminal Minds is on air, I somehow get glued… regardless of how gory the episode may be.

So instead of falling asleep, I found myself at midnight wide awake, intently watching Criminal Minds, eventually getting creeped out… ended up praying that I won’t have bad dreams when I finally do fall asleep.

Not good.

But because of Derek Morgan, it wasn’t exactly that bad, either.

****

Around six hours later…

It’s a brand new day.  I think I slept well, considering… and I woke up reenergized.  First thing I did when I woke up was to check my notification. Haha, talk about the need for affirmation.

Before I delve into my insecurities and start babbling, let me thank you for taking time yesterday — and today — to read what I had to say.  Thank you for “following” the site.  I hope I don’t disappoint. Maybe sometimes, I will — especially during the times when I am not exactly writing something deep or profound… (like now?!). But thank you just the same.

It feels good knowing that my words reach someone. Hopefully I get to entertain or inspire.  I hope you stick around. DO stick around.

Regardless of how old we get, there will always be that child in us waiting for that moment of thrill and pure joy.

Writing brings me pure joy.  I am happy when I get to put my thoughts into words. And I am happier when people appreciate those words.

It’s Christmas morning all over again.

SGM

*****

photo credits: wide-eyed smiley via iemoji ; Criminal Minds via google images

…and I’m BACK!!!

It’s 2015.

Hello again, blogworld.  Wow. It’s been so long.

On my last blog post here, I remember saying goodbye and telling my readers that I will be starting a new blog where I would be blogging under my real name… no secret identity, no code names…

I thought I was ready to blog about anything and everything.  I thought it was easy to mention real names of real people I wanted to blog about.  Boy, was I wrong.  Basically I found out that my friends were not exactly too keen on being mentioned in my blogs — not unless I was all praises all the time.  Also, during those times when all I wanted was to vent, it proved quite difficult blogging when I had to censor my thoughts.  An entry full of bleeps or *** won’t really amount to anything.

And so, eventually, I got tired of blogging about bleeps.  And I just let time pass.  And I basically didn’t write anything — not one blog, not one article, not a single write up — for almost a year.  I stopped writing.  I feel like I stopped being a writer.

Judging by the way I began three sentences with the word “and,” I guess you know what I mean.

I missed it, really.  Writing, I mean.  Although I had a lot of other things to keep me busy, there were times when I just wanted to stay in a quiet place and just write.  Write about anything.  But then I’d realize that I had nothing to write for — and so I’ll just decide to do something else… Like watch tv… Yeah, how productive. My brain cells were working overtime

Over the Christmas holidays, I found myself checking out this old blogsite of mine.  I reread some posts… I laughed at most, smirked at some… and I relived a number of nice moments that I wrote about.  I truly felt bad when I saw that a lot of the pictures I reposted have been removed or are now nowhere to be found. Sigh.

I have always, ALWAYS liked this blogsite.  Who wouldn’t relish being a Supergoddess, hello?! And so I have resolved to revive this site.

Oh, yes.  I am back.  I still have a lot to tell… stories to share… people to talk about… Kidding on the last one, of course.

Maybe I will have more followers now… maybe not.  I guess what matters is that I get to write and share my thoughts and my wisdom.

And maybe, just maybe, I will at the very least make one reader smile… I believe that’s enough for now.

Care to join the journey of the Supergoddess?

fireworks

Happy 2015!!

 

*****

PS… I promise to fix the other photos on the older posts. Just give me time. 🙂

SGM

*****

photo via google images

 

Miss me?!

Dear friends,

It has been fun being Supergoddess Me.  I do thank all of you for stopping by, taking time out to read my blogs.  But in case you missed my going away notice several posts back (Can You Keep a Secret?), I just want to let you know that I have decided to create a new blog and I have started writing as the real Me. 

To update you on how my new blog is doing… Well, I haven’t been writing much so my posts come sporadically.  No one else to blame but myself.  I have been quite busy doing other stuff.

Whenever I do get the chance — or when I get a sudden burst of inspiration– I believe I am able to come up with something deep.  Most of the times, though, I still do a lot of whining.

So if you chanced upon reading this message… or if you really follow my blog — and just missed my “moving out” notice, please do drop by my new blogsite.  With emphasis on the please.

Truth be told, I’m getting lonely out there. 

www.adailydoseofbetsy.wordpress.com — Life as it Happens

Hope to see you soon.

SGM

My (Other) Lonely Planet

****photo via SGM’s laptop

Can You Keep a Secret?

Somewhere over the rainbow...

Almost two years ago, I created this blog to further develop my writing abilities.  Writing has always been a passion, but since I didn’t have a regular writing job, I felt I needed an avenue… a place where I can express my thoughts and views.  Blogworld was a good place for that.

And so I created Supergoddess Me… I wrote at first for myself, then eventually for blogfriends from all around the world.

I met people in the cyberworld… I made some readers laugh, probably even inspired others.  I shared bits and pieces of who I am to my readers (from all around the world.  I just HAD to repeat that because it sounded nice!).  But I never really gave away my true identity.  Partly because in a way I was protecting myself  ( hey, if you’re a regular, you would have heard me vent… and it ain’t always nice!).  Maybe at the same time I was protecting the people (real ones) closest to me. 

This is like my alternate universe.  Only a handful of my friends know about this site — let alone, read it.  And so I can rant and rave all I want without the people I know hearing about it (haha, pure evil!).  Nor am I judged or criticized by people I know who are not exactly my friends but who just enjoy criticizing other people for the heck of it (because they are evil, too!). 

These past several months I went through a lot of experiences that I would love to share or write about.  However I realized that it’s quite difficult talking about “real life” when you’re hiding behind a character.  For some reason I came to the realization that I cannot share my ordinary everydays if I’m writing as Supergoddess Me.  And boy, do I have a lot of ordinary everydays to share!

Basically, what I am trying to say is this… I’M MOVING!!!  I’m moving to another blogsite. 

But don’t feel bad (if you do feel bad, that is!).  Every once in a while I will drop by and visit, and maybe write something — or do more venting– here.   And it’s not as if I’m going to leave my blogfriends out in the cold.  I’ m bringing you guys along!

My dear friends in blog universe, follow me as I write some more, this time in another address.  Out there I will be writing as myself (I’m dropping the Super from the Goddess. Dig that!).  I will still be the same nutty writer that I am — with less venting, of course… But I believe that out there you will get to know the real ME better. 

You are all invited!    Check me out at www.adailydoseofbetsy.wordpress.com (Life as it Happens).  And join me in my journey — as my real life happens.

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But this is not exactly goodbye.  I might drop in every once in a while and share something here.   Besides, my new friends out there don’t know about this site (you are directed there, yet they are NOT directed here)… so basically we’re still sharing a secret.  Can you keep a secret?

Signing off for now… Supergoddess Me.

******

photo via weheartit.com

 

 

Life Matters

peace and quiet

At just about the same time that I was writing my blog last Friday, something tragic was happening in Japan.

As I was musing about the universe telling me something by way of a sudden increase in my blog hits, somewhere out there, nature was making its power felt thru a strong earthquake and a devastating tsunami.

My sign was just a mere whisper.  For the people affected by the earthquake and the tsunami, the universe practically sent them a scream. 

There may be no connection between me and them.  Or there is a great connection between all of us, because we are all living in one planet… our lives, one way or the other, interwoven. 

As I watched the news about the calamity that befell Japan, I can’t help but be ashamed of the little things that I let myself get bothered by.  Somehow, my concerns seemed trivial, even shallow, compared to the plight of the ones affected by the calamity.   

The tsunami that hit Japan showed how everything is fleeting.  In a split second, one can lose everything that he has.  It also made me realize that one can never be too ready.  Having too much money, or a big house, or whatever material stuff you can think of, cannot protect you from whatever the universe throws your way. 

A lot of things we deem important all of a sudden seemed to lose their relevance.

Fragile and Precious

Life is fragile.  It can be taken away from you with or without warning.  That’s why your every single breathing moment should count. (And yes, it’s not about counting blog hits.) 

Life is precious.  Each of us has only one life to live.  Perhaps the best thing to do is to live it well. 

What does living well mean?  Maybe it’s by choosing to be happy.  It’s by choosing to make other people happy.  It’s about lending a hand to others less fortunate… putting a smile on someone else’s face… or even by just smiling at other people.

Maybe it’s about sharing.  It’s by blessing others with what you, yourself, are blessed with.  It may be by sharing what you no longer need to those who need it more… or sharing your talent for others to learn from… or maybe even sharing your time with those people who really just need someone who will listen or stay with them. 

Sometimes we get  too wrapped up in ourselves that we worry and we get stressed and anxious about the littlest things.  Our world seems to get so small… basically because our world revolves around ourselves.

Look outside.  There’s a big world around you.  Other people share your troubles.  There are other people who have greater troubles even. 

Maybe if we know what it means to be thankful… REALLY thankful… for the things that we have, then life won’t be such a struggle. 

contentment

Yes, I believe in striving hard to get better.  I believe in expecting greatness.  We all deserve that.  Yet I also believe in contentment.  Contentment doesn’t mean limiting yourself or setting your standards low.  To me it’s about being at peace with what you have and not putting emphasis on just the material things.  It’s about being grateful for what you have at present. 

It is about finding joy in what you have, what you are doing and where you are.  In the end, that’s all that really matters, right? 

“I had no shoes and complained, until I met a man who had no feet.” 

– Indian proverb

 

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photos via weheartit.com

Author’s note: Welcome back, my pretty pink background! 🙂

When the Universe Tells You Something…

For the Drama Queen Me

In my last blog, I was basically ranting about being so busy that I don’t get to write as often as I would want.  I talked about how my family always comes first and how I am ready to give up things I am supposed to do for myself the moment one family member hollers for me. 

I was pretty sad that day.  It was one of those moments when you want to do a lot of things but you know that you won’t be fair to anybody if you choose to do all.   I wanted to write more often.  I wanted to start on my writing project, but I also am in the middle of planning a major baseball event, that my thoughts are pretty much all over the place.  Throw in the day to day activities of the brood… So the other day, it really felt like something’s gotta give.  Basically it felt like that something was me.

Honestly, I feel bad whenever I see my blog hits dwindling.  And for several days leading to my last entry, my hits were somehow stuck at 3 a day — okay, sometimes 2.  Hurray for me.  I really felt quite low.  But then again, I can’t blame my readers… why will they stay (or come back) if I can’t offer anything new, right?  

I was beginning to feel the pressure.  Part of me was saying, I must blog everyday.  I must have more hits.  Another part was saying, Forget the blog. Start your dream project.  And still another part, Forget all those.  You have a baseball tournament to manage!!

which way now?!

Bottomline is, I felt like I had to explain myself.  I had to explain why it’s taking forever for me to start my writing project.  Explain why my blog stats is in its near-death state.   Explain why I’m hovering over my son as he studies for his exams.  I felt like I had to explain every little thing I do, every choice I make.  Though I don’t really know who I am explaining to… I may be explaining to the wind, for that matter… It just felt better afterwards. 

Maybe, just maybe, at the back of my mind I knew that I wouldn’t feel as bad anymore when I see my blog stats.  I was giving myself reasons to NOT feel bad that no one visits my blog (since there’s nothing new to see anyway).  And I was releasing myself from that pressure of having to compose something even when my thoughts are  in shambles (Pretty much like now?!).  I told myself I won’t force myself to blog if I don’t have anything to blog about… and I won’t feel guilty not having blogged.  More so, I won’t get suicidal after seeing my blog stats. 

That was three days ago. 

And then something happened… again. 

Yesterday was another busy day.  I didn’t get the chance to check my WordPress page the whole day.  Besides, after 5 days of having a mere 3 hits per day, I pretty much knew the trend.  And since I didn’t post a new entry, then all the more I couldn’t expect anything more than 3.

Come night time, just before I went to bed, I opened my WordPress account.  Force of habit.  Some practices are hard to let go of…

Not mine. Though my graph looked somewhat like this.

76. Seventy six. LXXVI.  At ten in the evening, I had 76 hits.  I almost fell off my chair. 

Okay you might be thinking, cheap thrills SGM!   But no, to me that wasn’t cheap.  Not when I was getting used to 3.  76 is a gift!  Though at the back of my mind I was thinking that maybe half of that was from a spam-connected link (sorry, I don’t know the word for it), well I was still happy with the number.  I ended the day with 79.  Of course they had to add 3 more (probably my 3 loyal fans remembered to visit my blog that night).

Whole point of this entry?!  Well, the universe HAS a sense of humor.  Just when you thought you are ready to give up on something, the universe will find a way to make you NOT give it up if you truly are not ready.  Just when you thought you have lost all direction, the universe will show you the way… or will veer you to a direction you can take.

Just when I thought I ran out of topics to write about, well, I had this.  And just when I thought that I didn’t have the time to sit down and write… well, I found the time to sit down and write.  It was just a matter of time management.

When the universe tells you something… maybe you should just listen.

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photos via weheartit.com / WP stats via google images

Writing, Interrupted

 
I made some changes… and then I disappeared.

It’s the 8th of March.  The last time I blogged was on the last day of February.  Okay, so maybe that was just a week ago, yet I really feel like something’s amiss.  I just can’t make myself sit in front of the computer long enough to compose a decent blog. 

Two weeks ago I told a friend of mine about my dream writing project.  It was an idea that came to me sometime in the beginning of this year.  I toyed around with the idea and even made some research about it.  I was all gung-ho at first… determined to put a start on this project as soon as possible.  I felt I was ready enough.  I believed I write well enough.  I was confident that I could do something BY myself and FOR myself, using the God-given skills and talents that I have. 

And then something happened.  Life happened. 

Perhaps everyone who knows me also knows that for me, family always comes first.  In my everyday existence for the past ten or so years, my life is about my family.  My son.  My partner.  Even down to my parents and my siblings.  I am “hero support” after all.  Taking care of them is what I do.  It is what I do best.

Writing is a passion.  Blogging is something that helps me de-stress.  Whenever I write, I get to express the thoughts that I don’t get to say easily.  Writing helps keep my brain cells from turning into mush or from simply dying.  My greatest fear is to get Alzheimer’s (and at a very young age), so I have to do something to keep my brain cells functioning.  And so I vowed I will write as often as I can.  I will try to get published more often,  I will blog regularly. 

In the beginning of the year, I vowed to hone my writing skills so that when people ask me what I do, I can say that I am a writer without feeling like such a fake.   And I told myself I will take a few more brave steps and start with my writing project…

and like I said earlier,  life happened. 

Superhero Me

My life.  That superhero day job of me taking care of the world… or at least, the people in my world.  Somehow I don’t have the luxury of time to just sit down and compose something.  Even finishing this blog is getting to be quite difficult.  You have no idea how many drafts I started and saved (or eventually discarded).  I think of a topic… and then the phone rings… I try to write some, and then I get cellphone messages… and I totally lose my train of thought.  When I start to write once again, I get to remember the reviewer I have to make for my son’s exams, and then I feel guilty for not prioritizing that first.

And so I go back to doing things for them first before I do things for me

No, I am not complaining.  I chose this kind of life.  I derive joy from the gratitude and appreciation that my family show me for the things — some little, some big — that I do for them.   And maybe this is really the kind of person that I am… I mean, I will always choose helping my son with his project first before I start with my own project.  I will be there for my sister whenever her boys need me, even if that would mean giving up my writing time.   Planning that major baseball event for the boys eats up most of my waking hours, but I wouldn’t think of giving it up.

Maybe it’s because it feels good to be needed.   I can write and write and write and have hundreds of readers, and still feel alone… Or I can spend my time doing something for someone, and feel fulfilled.

Please remind me next time...

Right now it seems my other projects weigh more than the writing project that I dreamed for myself.   I can’t force myself to begin a new writing project when all that’s in my mind at the moment are either baseball, exams and zombies.  I will probably end up writing about nothing but — well, baseball, exams and zombies.   HAVE been blogging about zombies.  How lame is that?!

I have my family, and I have my writing.  My family is my life… and writing is who I am.  It’s not like I have to choose one over the other.  But sometimes there’s just not enough time to concentrate on both.  I wouldn’t want to come up with a product that’s half-baked. I know I have to prioritize something.    

So if you don’t see me around in the next couple of weeks, I guess you already know what that means. (It means I am recharging… regrouping… or I’m basically just insanely busy doing something else.)

I am not making excuses.  It just is.

The hard part is seeing my daily blog hits dwindling (hurray to the 3 hits I’ve been getting for the past three days!!).  But then again, as Don Michaele Corleone once said, “That is the price you pay for the life you choose.”

Oh well.  C’est la vie.

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photos via weheartit.com; superhero photo via google image

The Notebook Idiot

sleek and slim

Remember before Christmas last year I blogged about wanting to have my own Notebook?  An Asus Notebook — the Seashell Karim Rashid Collection– in hot pink, to be exact (See 12 Gifts for Christmas).  Well, Santa – in the form of He-Man –granted my wish (though not the exact unit, I got a black HP Pavilion Notebook that’s really sleek and slim). But said gift came with the expectation that I will be writing more (using my NEW notebook, of course) and that I will be bold enough to submit my essays to various publications. That Santa-He-Man has such great faith in me.

So, why did I want a notebook when I have a desktop pc at home and I’m normally home, anyway?  Well for one I wanted to be able to write even when I’m out on errands.  Yeah, like while I’m waiting in line in the bank or in the supermarket, I can just bring out my notebook and type my thoughts away.  Smirk, smirk.  Like that’s even possible.  Okay, so I have pictured myself sitting by my lonesome in my favorite cafe, typing away… The picture of a writer deep in thought, creating a masterpiece while drinking her favorite iced mocha.  Nobody bothers me because they will think I am busy writing a novel (when in truth I am probably just blogging)…  Nevertheless, I will exude the confidence of a (real) writer because I have the props, I mean, tools for it.

Seriously, I really believed that having my own notebook will make me a better writer (Tiger needs his clubs… ARod needs his bat…  Get my drift?). 

What, you may ask, have I written so far using my notebook?  It’s been a month since Christmas so surely I must have already produced something. 

Well, you see, I don’t have a wi-fi router at home.  My desktop is the one connected to a broadband server, ergo, it’s what I use whenever I blog.  A couple of times I tried to type my blogs using my notebook, but then I had to save them in a usb and then transfer the file to the other computer so I can upload it online.  This practice proved to be quite time consuming, so I went back to blogging using the desktop since I can go online anytime. 

And so for the past 4 ½ weeks, said notebook was basically used for uhm, HP games like Chuzzle, Bejeweled, Slingo (Santa-He-Man can shoot me now). Oh, and yeah, Superson and his friends just love to use my notebook for Plants vs. Zombies.  They were able to upload it, somehow.

how fun is this??

~*~

The other afternoon I went to my mom’s house while Superson was having drum lessons.  I was excited to bring my notebook because they have a wi-fi connection so I can go online anytime.  I can finally blog – or do something other than play games – using my notebook!!

 But then something went totally wrong.  For some reason, my notebook just won’t pick up the signal from the wi-fi router.  First I stayed in the dining room where my brother usually uses his laptop. No signal.  Then I moved to the library where the router was located, thinking that the signal should be stronger there.  Zilch.  I went to the other room.  Nada.  I checked the router if it was on. Yes, it was.  I checked my brother’s laptop and saw that it had internet connection.  And so I came to the realization that something was wrong with my notebook. 

I am not a quitter.  I told myself I came all this way to use my notebook, and I wasn’t leaving without having used it.  And if I had to tinker with it to solve the problem, then so be it.

And so I tinkered.

First thing I clicked was Troubleshoot. I was no dummy.  I could follow simple instructions. So I first let the computer detect the problem.  Eventually the screen said, “No connections available.”  But since I knew that there was supposed to be a wi-fi signal, I didn’t stop there.

Next thing I did was to try to change adapter settings (heaven knows why).  Then I tried to manually set up a new connection or network. Still nothing.  And then the computer asked me if I wanted to restore my original settings. I thought that it would work since I was able to get signal before my son and his friends started using the notebook for their PvZ marathon.  And so I pressed restore.

Still nothing happened. 

After about an hour of not getting anywhere, my son arrived and found out that I still haven’t connected to the internet.  I started blaming him and his friends. 

I went back to Troubleshoot and tried to read the help topics again, for the nth time.  Then I saw something that I read much earlier which I didn’t really pay attention to.

If you cannot connect to a wireless network… check the side or the keyboard for the wireless button and press it to turn on.

The wireless button was off.  The whole time.  When I pressed it, this small icon under my screen started blinking, “connection available.”

What an idiot.

i should make my own version

~*~

So what did I learn that day?

Well, for one, having a notebook doesn’t make one a better writer.  It’s merely a tool. Good writing comes from the brains, the heart, and yes, practice.  Lots and lots of practice.

Secondly, I learned that you cannot cut corners when following directions. The directions are there to be followed.  You cannot assume you know everything, because if you do know everything then there’s no need for manuals or in this case, “help” topics. 

Thirdly, a little common sense goes a long way. 

What did I do successfully that day? 

I unwittingly deleted Plants vs Zombies and Yahoo Messenger from my notebook when I pressed restore.  What an idiot, indeed.

SGM killed the Zombie... and the Plant

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photos via google images