A List of Nevers…

Sticky posts

Never…

… allow other people to define who you are.  You are a wonderful creation, full of endless possibilities.  Don’t let others limit you.

… let the past rule your present and take over your future.  The past is over and done with.  Learning from it — the good or the bad — makes you a better, stronger person.  But today is a different day. Live it.  Tomorrow holds so much promise. Be expectant.

try it.

… underestimate kindness.  A kind and gentle heart affects many.  People remember a kind deed.

… think it’s okay cheat when no one’s looking.  Cheating is cheating, whether you have an audience or not.   

… forget to say thank you.

… wallow in self pity.  You are too good for that.  Be sad a bit, but learn to move on.  Wallowing won’t get you anywhere. 

… take your friends for granted.  Life gets so much brighter with good friends around.

be carefree

… let go of the child in you. Joyful. Carefree.  Fearless. 

… let other people steal your dreams. People will always have a lot to say.  People won’t always believe in you the way you believe in yourself.  When they try to pull you down, keep the faith.  Let their opinions inspire you to do better and give you the added nudge to prove them wrong.  Remember, great success is the best revenge. 

… forget how it feels to hold someone’s hand, smile a genuine smile, offer a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear, receive a compliment, give a compliment… and spending some quiet time by yourself just taking in the beauty of everything around you. 

Life is Good

 

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photos via weheartit.com

Celebrating Beauty

I wasn’t feeling too well the other day so I decided to stay in. 

After months and months of preparation for the July tournament, I thought of giving myself a break by not doing anything baseball related.  I rewarded myself with some tv time.  And yes, what a treat it was!  I haven’t watched tv in a while and staying glued in front of the tv for a couple of hours was a welcome break for me… Though given that I was sick, it proved quite hard to stay awake. 

Runway Legends All

I HAD to stay awake, though because I chanced upon a really interesting Oprah episode that day.  It was the episode Legends of the Runway, where the guests were former supermodels like Christie Brinkley, Cheryl Tiegs and Stephanie Seymour.  There was a segment with Paulina Porizkova, another legend in the modeling industry. 

It was an episode about beauty.  It was about staying beautiful.  Moreso, it was an episode about ageing gracefully.  I knew I had to stay awake.

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Last week I saw a picture of myself that was taken about 5 years ago.  I stared at it for sometime, as if I was looking at a picture of a total stranger.  And the more I stared at it, the more I started thinking that I don’t look like the girl on the picture anymore.  Okay, maybe I still look like her, but I feel like I have aged somewhat.  I look older now.

Mirror, mirror on the wall...

Staring at myself in the mirror has always been a past time for me.  (So, I am vain… that’s a given.  We have already long established that.)  However, these past several months, whenever I look at my reflection in the mirror, I always catch myself putting my fingers on my cheekbones — and trying to stretch my facial skin higher, towards the upper ends of my ears.  It’s either that or stretching the skin under my jawbone, towards the lower ends of my ears.

It’s something that I used to watch my mom do when I was a little girl — and for the life of me I couldn’t understand why she kept doing that.  Now I’M the one doing it.  Now I’m the one who’s starting to feel paranoid about what gravity is doing to my facial muscles…

All of a sudden I feel old.  All of a sudden I am no longer confident that the facial creams and moisturizer that I religiously slather on my face actually work.  My skin is not as elastic as it used to be. 

Looking old scares me.  Not only does it scare me, it also makes me sad.  Somehow, the pull of gravity is also working on my self-esteem.

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I knew I would learn something the moment I saw the former supermodels onscreen with Oprah.  (Just an aside, maybe it’s incorrect to call them former supermodels because in my book, once a supermodel, always a supermodel.  So scratch the former out.)

They came out one by one.  All still very beautiful.  They all look fit, too.  But somehow, one thing was evident… they also aged, as well.  They are no longer the 20-something naive looking pin-up girls.  They are not stick thin.  They have womanly curves.  There’s a certain roundness in their figures… something that is most likely brought about by motherhood.  And they have lines on their faces, too! 

Perfect

I was staring at Stephanie Seymour, and can’t but think that about a decade ago, I wanted to look like her because the guy I was dating then adored her.  She practically was the reason behind the how and the why of my love affair with Victoria’s Secret. 

And now as I looked at her — still pretty, but with facial lines, body curves and all, she looked almost ordinary.  Okay, maybe not ordinary, but normal.

And then the realization… they are human beings, after all.  Supermodel or not, we are all bound to get old… or older. 

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I think the only way we can defy ageing is if we cryogenically preserve our bodies while we’re in our twenties (and then what?!).  Or yes, there’s always botox or face lifts… but then for how long?  And how many times ’til you realize that you don’t look like yourself anymore — not because you look younger, but because your skin has been stretched so hard that you can’t even show any sign of emotion.  There’s quite a thin line between looking young and looking like your face is in a serious state of catatonic stupor.

Yes, even supermodels cannot defy gravity.

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Dream job. Dream body.

Watching them — the supermodels that they are, candidly talking about their outlook on ageing, I couldn’t help but get awed all the more.  These beautiful women have been beautiful all their lives… but they are not as young as they used to be.  For sure they have experienced being compared to the younger models.  They belong to a cruel industry where beauty  is defined by age.  And yet they stood proud.  They are proud of their accomplishments, proud of what they have become. 

Truly admirable. 

These supermodels were unanimous in saying that true beauty emanates from within.  It’s about how you perceive yourself. It’s about finding joy and peace and acceptance.  It’s also about not just banking on your looks alone, but being able to carry a conversation with other people.

Basically, being beautiful involves loving oneself and being happy with who you are.  As one of them — I think it was Paulina Porizkova in her interview segment — reiterates, ‘if one’s self-worth is hinged on one’s looks alone, then that person has a problem…’

I learned something valuable that day.

 

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photos via weheartit.com and yahoo images

 

 

 

Love Thyself

Supergoddess Me

Female:  “I can’t think of a name for my blog.”

Friend:  “Why not Supergoddess?  It fits you.”

Female:  “Hmm. You’re right.  It does, doesn’t it? Thanks!”

AND then Supergoddess Me was born…

~ * ~

I wasn’t always this cocky… confident… sure of myself.  Believe me, once upon a time, I was this shy, timid girl with inferiority complex who gets sick in the stomach and vomits everytime she’s nervous.  Okay, so maybe that still happens to me ’til today (old habits die hard), but I am far different from who-what-how I was years ago.

I grew up under the shadow of an older sister.  Older sister was smart, confident, outgoing, no-nonsense type of girl… a real toughie.  She was also the nanny’s favorite.  And since we were left with our nanny for the most part of our growing up days, well, older sister basically ruled.  Nanny just adored her and everybody knows about it.  I for one, knew about it.  How can I not when I was always, ALWAYS being compared to her?

She’s not as tough… She can’t be on her own, she might get lost… She’s so nice, people will take advantage of her… She can’t take care of herself… She’s NOT a lawyer she won’t know what to do…

Those were but some of the words I heard spoken about me.  And somehow, they stuck.  When you are young, you are easily influenced by what others think about you.  Give a child words of encouragement, and you will build her confidence.  Tell a child how disappointing you think she is, and you will easily see the change on how she sees herself.  Eventually she will prove that she IS a disappointment if that is what you keep ingraining in her. 

For some time when I was growing up,  I think my self-esteem was subzero.  Self worth… uhm, what self worth?

My confidence level improved somewhat when I was in high school.  I realized that I was smart enough.  I was a diligent student, too.  And so I studied hard, made sure that my grades were above average, so I had something to be proud of.  Something to feel good about.  I knew, as well, that my parents would be proud of me, too, if I kept getting good grades.  I was somewhat active in high school. I had a lot of friends, I joined contests and clubs, but I made it a point to hit the books whenever needed — which was all the time.  I was a closet nerd. 

College was another thing, though.  The university was big, the course was tough, I had to make new friends, so it was pretty much like going back to square one.  I had to prove myself all over.  I was a diligent student still, yet I guess my shy side prevented me from shining.

I think it was when I started working that my transformation took place.  It was then that I realized that there’s nothing wrong with being nice, or patient, nor is it bad to smile a lot.  In a way I looked at  my being “charming” as an advantage.  It made people warm up to me.  Being friendly and approachable helped.  Eventually as they found out that I had brains, too, well I guess I gained their respect more.

But more than what the others may think about me, my confidence level grew when I started seeing myself differently.  It was when I stopped comparing myself to others — my sister, my mom, my friends– that I began to value myself more.  It was when I accepted myself for who I am that I understood what self-worth is all about.

Oh yes, I still had my moments.  There still were people who tried to bring out the insecure, inferiority complexed person in me.  In my past life, I went out with someone who was emotionally abusive.  For some time I was inching back to subzero… It took the intervention of my best friends to make me realize that I shouldn’t let anyone trample on my self-esteem, nor should I start comparing myself to other women… specially when, according to them, I am already several levels high up.  Thank God for caring friends!

One YOU

We are all unique individuals.  Our differences make us who we are.  Our differences make us special.  We are all an “original” given our strengths, as well as our flaws and imperfections.  Our self worth should not be dependent on other people. 

You don’t need another person to define you. 

 

What’s important is that you KNOW yourself.

And LOVE yourself.

 

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photos via weheartit.com

Judge and be judged

the imperfect storm

Mom: I am thinking of setting up a business for your brother and you.

Daughter:  What’s that got to do with me?

Mom: Because if you don’t help him out, I will really make you take up law. 

Daughter: (looking totally clueless) Huh?

Mom:  You should be a lawyer.  I want you to be a judge someday.  You will be happy if you are a judge.  You shouldn’t waste your intelligence… 

Daughter:  Who said I’m not happy?!  (Big sigh)

Sounds like a storm is brewing.

~*~

Initially, one would see nothing wrong with the above conversation. 

I suppose it is but normal for parents to tell their children what they want their children to become…  what path they suggest their children to take.  Out of love and concern for our kids, we parents, most often than not try to persuade them to choose a certain direction.  Of course our choices are based on our own personal experiences, as well.  We teach based on what we know.  We try to influence our children based on how we lived life and we think that what made us succeed will do the same for them.  We just want them to be successful and to be happy.

Nothing is wrong with offering suggestions.  Nothing is wrong with telling your child you dream of him or her to be this or that someday…

Not unless you are talking to a 35+ yr old. A mother of an 11yr old, with her own family unit– her own household– and a dog, to boot.    Someone who has been independent and has been taking care of her family, as well as other people’s family, for the past decade. 

You simply cannot tell that person, even if she were your own child, that you know what will make her happy. 

Because you don’t.   

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I have mentioned several blogs back (see Highlight of My Day) about how I decided to veer away from the corporate life and chose to be a domestic goddess.  I believe I also mentioned that I came from a career-oriented family.  I knew that a lot of people didn’t understand why I made such choice. I knew a lot of them questioned why I chose being a full-time-rah-rah-mom over working for some company that would give me a nice title before my name.   

I didn’t mind, really.  I believed that having a peaceful family life, with a happy, loving — not to mention, very intelligent– child was more than enough to make me feel successful.  I derive my self-fulfillment from having the chance to make memories with my son.  I never really craved for any other title.  It’s not something that I miss having because I am happy where I am.  Like what I always say, to each his own.

But then hearing my mom telling me a few days ago that being a lawyer or a judge would make me “happy” really almost made me blow my top.  At that moment, the only thing I could think of was how little she thought of me… and how little she knew of me. 

It was pretty sad, really.  Sad not because what she said made me feel small about myself, but more because I don’t think she truly understands the happiness I get out of being a mother.  Obviously, she gets her sense of happiness elsewhere… while I derive joy from being with the people I love, doing things with and for them, sharing moments with them.

~ * ~

My mom has always been career-oriented. We never faulted her for that.  My siblings and I grew up under the care of a nanny who stayed with us until she was 85.  When our nanny passed away last year, my sister and I (being the two older ones) really felt like we lost a big part of us, as well.    My mom never understood why we cried so much.

Now in her 60’s, my mom is still happily working… proud to keep her title of being an attorney, and every other title possible, depending on her position.  Because of her present position, she got assigned in a faraway place, gets to come home only once or twice a month.  She is still happy, though.  She has reached the pinnacle of her career… 

Our weekends are spent with lunches, dinners or coffee dates with my dad, my sister and her family and my brother.  Without our mom, though, because she’s somewhere else.  We share moments here as a family, while she’s out there somewhere, socializing with the lawyers and judges like herself.  And oh yeah, she’s working, too.

She doesn’t realize that while she’s out there happily being a Somebody, I am back here taking care of her household.   I run their errands, manage their househelp, do their groceries.  My sister and I take turns staying with or inviting our dad over when he needs company.  When my brother went through some rough spot, I was there to give him whatever guidance or support he needed. 

So, maybe I don’t have a title other than “mom.”  I don’t introduce myself as Atty. So and so or Dr. Something something.  Not even Supermodel Someone.  I also see no reason to introduce myself as Writer Me when I meet with my son’s teachers or my other co-parents.  I simply see no point nor reason to.  But being ‘untitled’ doesn’t mean I am less busy, nor does it make my life less significant.

Maybe she is happy being what and where she is.  But that doesn’t mean that I am NOT happy being who or what I am.

~ * ~

What really brings you joy? Think about it.

SGM : We all have different sources of happiness.  I am happy with my family.  I am happy that I get to write.  I am happy with my life… Besides, i don’t want to be a judge. To me, it’s just a title.  

And that was how the storm ended. 

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photos via google images